Illustrated Poems

Excerpts from my book, Dead Wrong – the truth about domestic violence, incest and child abuse. Copyright 2002 Angela Hayden.

It’s

over, concluded totally demolished
anger, betrayal, utterly acknowledged
shame, denial, personally embraced
pain, injustice, starring you in the face
detached, clinical, simply isolated
power, control, secretly perpetrated
hunger, starvation, numb reduction
impact, terror, subtle destruction

Reason

here
disappear
in the mere existence
of persistence
marking the meter
with time
in rhyme
with reason

Trigger

happy is the face
she wore near him
even though
she’d like to kill him
who would ever figure
another mutt thrown in the river
no one to deliver
but she could be undone
take a ride just for fun
pull a trigger on a gun

Walk

walk through the
pain grief fear tears
walk through it all
until the day comes
when you can turn and look
at the trail you have left
for others who are suffering

turn and reach out your hand
and tell them they can
walk the journey too

tell them there is a treasure
that they will find
within their journey
tell them of the strength
you see deep within them

tell them how much you respect
their bravery for starting such a long walk
tell them to look around them at all
the tracks left by others
and see that they are not alone

tell them that once they walk through
the forest of healing
there is a valley of peace
to rest and dwell in

there is a deep well of love
they can drink from
it springs from their journey
the journey they began
with one small step

Be yourself

be alive
chase the wind
kiss the sun
look inside
be kind
love yourself
precious soul
you are pure
you are loved
waters flow
light is subtle
show the world
your views

Freedom

freedom is contagious
it will tickle every bone
in your body
and when you
don’t realize it
you’re laughing

Hide

i tried
to hide
in you there
wasn’t room
for two

Invisible

melt my heart
i fall apart
down on my knees
looking for
peace
lost in thought
only i fought
to let love
live in me

do i deserve this
misery?
have i chosen
this lifeless motion
to sit and wait
for my fate
for self-hate

instead of love
instead of peace
this push and shove
has shown me
how to hide
from everything

why can’t i change?
why can’t i be
the things
i want to be?
doesn’t god know that
i’m a horrible me?

this heavy weight
i’ve learn to carry
defines me

who was it?
who first convinced me
i was horrible
i was unlovable
i was not normal?
who taught me to be
so afraid
so still
and quiet

invisible

Pavlov’s Response

domestic violence
it starts out subtle
starve little by little
until you don’t
realize your starving
slowly conditioned
to accept a morsel
for a meal
and then feel grateful
and undeserving

Sweetness

pour your heart out to me
let me hear what you have to say
let me love away your tears
let me dispel all your fears
let me run my fingers through your hair
let me rub you with tender, loving care
let me hold you in your darkest hour
let me share in your truth and in your power